It was a silly place. The indigenous people there had obnoxious accents. You couldn't use your discover card. Caramel Macchiatos cost $5.25. The Wall Street Journal was nowhere to be found. Liquor stores stocked only liquor and wine, no beer. The beaches were chilly, the speed limits were low, and no one could ever park their car for fear of getting a parking ticket. There was no place to get a good pizza, and the people were rude. Life on the island was hard.
One day, a group of visitors snapped. They just couldn't take it any more. They went to the nearest liquor store, stabbed the owner with the keys to their Bentley, and stole a bottle gin, a bottle of rum, a bottle of tequila, and a bottle of vodka. Now armed with their friends Jose, Captain Morgan, Mr. Smirnoff, and Gordon, they were ready to face the world. Or so they thought.
After many shots and mixed drinks, they realized that they still were not yet able to handle life on the island. Brilliantly, they decided to mix all of the bottles together. It was a delicious and lethal combination.
They, also blessed with the gift originality, called it a "long island iced tea". It became a survival tool. And survive they did.
They lived happily ever after...until their livers failed.
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